masturbation.

here’s a subject you’ll have trouble bringing up at a family dinner.

masturbation is something of a taboo conversational piece, a bit like urinating in the street; only much more embarrassing if you get caught at it…

yes masturbation, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !

masturbation is truly a wonderful thing.

yet we don’t seem to talk much about it.

ok, i’ll talk about it.

there’s a very good chance, at this point of the article, that i lost half of my readers; the other half, of course, would be… YOU …perverts !

reading on, probably attracted by such a saucy title !!!

so. if you are still here, let me first thank you very much for your commitment and then allow me to propose to your attention, a theory, that dawned on me just few hours ago, whilst… having a very very very long shower…

it happened just like that, when i least expected it. a single moment of pure clarity, a sparkle of divine manifestation.

i had an epiphany ! (of the perfect shower kind).

a Eureka moment comparable in pleasure only to the one when you put in the last missing tile in a 4500 pieces puzzle (at least in my case).

the truth presented itself as an unshakable pillar of wisdom:

masturbation can save the world.

and all this time i thought that love would save the world.

and henceforth sex, for the procreation of a new generation of emancipated human beings.

well ! masturbation is like sex…………………………………….. but better !

think about it !

most of us really like sex, right ?

masturbation is very much like having sex; one big advantage is that, when you really really want some, there’s never going to be anyone telling you

- i gotta a headache !!! -

we should glorify masturbation !

it’s a magical thing !

it’s easy, it’s fun, it’s great … i haven’t heard anybody EVER complaining about it !

masturbation is simple, direct, effective; conclusive or …undecided but still ok.

it’s playful, joyful, gentle or strong… but always delicate !

it can be private or mutual.

physical or mental.

feminine and masculine, old and young. of any race. truly universal.

it’s the ultimate canvass for our erotic expression: to allow our senses for maximum pleasure, we can create in our minds, unlimited playful scenarios; be the main actor in the wildest adventures; invent a world corresponding exactly to the inspirations of our dreams; obtain the most unreachable form of excitement; include one or any companion of our desire… or… we can just simply skip the poetry and get the job done !

the French have a saying (and they seem to know a lot about this stuff) :

- on est jamais servi si bien que par soi-même.

- you are never better served than by yourself.

and why would we need an uneducated or inexpert “hand”, when we can bask in the pleasure of the delicate harmony of carefully timed strokes and caresses, finely adjusted pressure and hold, playful control of moisture and firmness; and last, but definitely not least, “manipulate” the acceleration and escalation of the thrust, like a virtuoso orchestra conductor waving his “baton”… to finally take us to the ultimate release !!!

and we know better than anyone else, exactly when to stop !

praised be masturbation !

we should raise a statue to the person that invented it !

but.

but to me, the highest contribution of this sublime human endeavour to our reality, and the reason of my epiphany, is something even more powerful :

masturbation brings PEACE to the world !

have you ever caught a glance of yourself in the mirror by complete chance (or not), whilst you’re having an orgasm with yourself ?

you certainly must look like an angel or someone who just saw one !

a huge smile seemingly forever fixed on your face and that candid look in your eyes like you actually can’t remember your own name.

maybe not always very pretty, but certainly very peaceful !

no animosity, no hesitations, no doubt, no thoughts, no drama !

no slaves, no masters ( aside from the ...bators…)

just immense love for yourself and the eternal gratitude to the Playboy magazine June ’76 centrefold (at least in my case).

at some point in time, we will all have a choice.

we could let ourselves be overwhelmed by this reality’s never-ending dualistic saga of man vs woman’s sexual desires, that has caused through the centuries oh ! so much drama ! and sorrow ! and wars !

...or we can induce a big smile on our faces and bring a bit more peace into this world.

as for myself ? i choose the road of peace.

i started on it early and never looked back.

and i promise you, ever since, my life has increasingly become less stressful !

so i invite you too, to save the world and join me in harmonious concert of angels and archangels, cherubims and seraphims, all joyously singing…

make come, not war !